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Sunday, March 19, 2006 at 11:41 PM

ok, for i dunno how long ago, i have been telling myself tat i, matilda, WILL NOT CRY no matter how sucky life gets... i am still keeping the record,i think... haha..hmmm....ya...since tep, till exams, and till now.... ok this ipp reallie sux big time...like, its the worst among the 3 listed... and i didnt think i'll actuallie say this but, tep was actuallie heaven!!! sorta...i mean, compared to the shit i'm in now... for tep, i only puke in the mornings for only bout a week... now i'm like 5-6 wks into my attachment and i'm still puking in the mornings...and u noe wat? i'm worried tat i'm actuallie making a habit out of it...like, i feel good after puking.... i heard its kinda bad for the throat cuz the stomach juices are pretty alkaline and its not so good for it to keep "touching" the throat... wells, didn't think i'd actuallie like puking....haiz... waking up every morning, trying to psycho myself that everything will be alright and the week will past reallie fast and everything at work will be fine... and that things aren't tat bad at all. i love life... i dunno how long more i can lie to myself...or rather, how long more will i continue to believe tat statement..its not reallie effective... I NEED A STRONGER DOSAGE!!!
ok seriously, i think i am going crazy... reallie... i have also ben kinda spending a bit more than i should... like on friday, i bought a belt and a pair of shoes and a movie... gosh...if i go on like tat, i'm gonna be so so so broke.. i should start to brain wash myself... my "wants" are like becoming "needs" which shouldnt be the case... like, the shoe i bought, i bought it because i needed it. which to a certain extend is true cuz my old pair is completely destroyed... but how come like suddenly so many "needed" stuff? dunno... ~sigh~ i juz wat my attachment to pass at the wink of an eye....

I'll play for you.