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Tuesday, March 13, 2007 at 4:23 PM

oh my gosh.... this whole further education thingy is giving me such a hugh headache....suddenly i juz want my grades now.....NOW!!!! i mean, of course i hope to pass everything but seriously, the sch is taking way too long!!!!! ai..... dunno y i didnt apply for NTU..... i feel kinda embarresed about this but i only came to know of the application when it was going to close..... (ya llike wat the hell was i doing)... den it so happens that that was my exam week and all and i was busy pia-ing and wasnt in the mood to think of anything else.... i was pretty hesitant cuz well, my grades suck....so my chances of getting in is like 1 in a million anywaes....so i guess tats y i didnt even bother to log on.... (yeah now i feel like stabbing myself for that) urgh..... now im like considering either SIM or SAA i suppose.... i mean, i dun tell like my mum or something cuz im not sure myself...and they think that i dun think for my future.....I DO OK?!im like still thinking la..and i HAVE been thinking about this for quite some time....wat i should do, where i should go etc....how can i report to u if i dun have an ans??? urgh.... totally hate this stage...felt like 3 yrs back where i had to decide which poly & wat course. omg its de javu..... i wanna do ACCA but i dun even noe if i can make it.... but i feel it'll be good in terms of knowledge and recognition of the cert...but there's no proj to help pull up my grades... i reallie doubt my abilities...yeah i'm incapable.... den again, if i were to go to SIM, i think the chances of seeing my cert in 2 years will be more realisable....haha...i think la...but tat means im gonna have to deal with all the whole proj grps thing etc all over again.....HOW?? and mean time i need to get another part time job.... dunno... feel like my current job is not adding value to my resume.... dunno if i shoud find an accounts related job or juz settle for normal admin or watever jobs...

seriously, im scared of working as an accountant job....cuz i feel like the pressure is like 1000x more.... feels like, : "this is the real thing! this is wat ur gonna face for the next 30 yrs" or "omg matilda, this is basic accounts!!and u dunno how to do?" dunno... feel so scared... hate this cowardly/incapable/incompetent side of myself.... i wanna be able to give my best and juz enjoy wat i do... but its easier said than done... if i dun enjoy wat i do, the next 30 yrs will CRAWL by....and i dun want that... i juz want time to whizz pass den retire healthy and die early...

haiz...headache headache... i juz need my chicken chop with mushroom sauce NOW....freaking starving... wat am i to do without food?

I'll play for you.